So I've joined a motherless daughter support group. I think the name is the saddest one they could've possibly come up with . I also call it the sucker punch group, because I feel like I've been given one when that name is said, or the kleenex group or the super sad group. The counselor says dealing with the name is part of our journey. I guess she's right because I'm slowly using the official name more and my nicknames for it less.
Tonight is our 3rd (of 6) sessions. I told the counselor on the first night that I'm going there mostly to make myself cry. I feel like I've only let my emotions out so much and then I stop and do the dishes or something else distracting. I'm not mad about Mom's death - the only emotion I really have left is sadness. But I do get mad that I can't just get a bit sad and then cross that off my to-do list and be done with. My biggest hurdle is accepting that these bits of sadness will come & go for the rest of my life. Logically, I know this is normal and it meant she really meant that much to me and blah, blah, blah. I still don't like that there's no end to Mom being gone. But maybe I'm slowly learning to just let those sad moments in and not get so frustrated with them.
Tonight, we have to make our moms real to the rest of the group. I'm bringing in the memorial dvd I had made of Mom right after she died and the book of our family I barely finished in time before she died (and was thankfully still able to look at it and enjoy it when I did give it to her). It should be a very good night for getting out the tears.
Like all things, this 6 week session is starting to feel like it's going by really fast. There's a great group of women in there and I'm going to miss seeing them once a week when this ends.
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