About a week ago, I found out via Facebook that a woman I went to high school with lost her 5 year old soon to cancer. I just stared at my computer and started to cry. My kids came into the room and started to ask me their usual questions, so I wiped away my tears and got back to daily life, but there's been a bit of sadness hanging around me since then. Obviously, it reminded me of the loss of my mother, but it was also that reminder that there are even worse losses. At least my mom got to live long enough to be a grandmother and to know all of her grandchildren. Parents aren't supposed to lose their kids. At least my loss happened in the order it's supposed to happen. As much as other people with living parents can't fully understand my loss, I know I can't fully understand this woman's. I hope she & her family find the support & love they need to work through this and to be able to still enjoy the rest of their life. My heart goes out to them.
There were a lot of facebook postings reminding everyone to hug & kiss their kids whenever they can. I've always covered my kids with kisses, even when they don't want it, but these postings got me to thinking. I don't know if I do it because it's just who I am, or because my mom was diagnosed when I was pregnant with my firstborn. I've never been a mom without knowing that death can come at anytime. We had 6 years with my mom's illness to make sure we always said, "I love you" and to hug & kiss (although, with Mom being Irish, she wasn't so big on the hugs & kisses - but again, I gave them anyway). I think her cancer does make me hold my kids more, and I guess that's a silver lining. I don't live a day where I forget to kiss them or tell them I love them. Of course, I'd still prefer to have learned that lesson the easy way. But I'm slowly accepting that there really are things I can't change or stomp my feet and demand to have back. It still sucks, though.
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