So we're now on the other side of our first Easter without Mom. Like previous holidays, I've learned again that I don't know how I'm actually going to be on that day, but it was overall, a very happy day. I thought the kids' egg hunt would've been the hardest part because Mom always helped the youngest kids to find eggs. I didn't break down like I thought I might, but my heartstrings were definitely tugged watching my dad step in and help my daughter (the youngest of the 5 grandchildren) to find some eggs. He said he heard Mom's voice telling him to help her out, and we all knew she was there in spirit.
I actually felt the twinges of sadness more when Easter was over. They come and go in little spurts, little reminders that she's really gone. My brother-in-law very sweetly asked if my sister & I wanted to do anything special for this Mother's Day - our first one without Mom, and neither of us had really put it together that we'd have a first for that holiday, too. We'd only thought of the bigger holidays. We agreed we still wanted to do our usual ritual for the past few years. I felt fine until today's local paper came. There was a small article on Mother's Day trivia and one of the tidbits said that white carnations are worn for mothers that have passed. And the first tear fell. Then, the obituaries listed a woman in her late 50s that just passed after a long battle with cancer, and more tears fell. That feeling of what is lost just got to me again.
But then, a friend showed up and our kids were laughing & playing, and I was reminded of the good things that are still will with me, too.
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